A body scan is a very specific type of guided meditation, although you can do it on your own as well.  In this type of meditation, the instructor guides you to experience your entire body from head to toe, and to notice what each part feels like.  This type of meditation can be very useful in becoming more present and anchored in our bodies, and in noticing places that might need attention, but it can also be very triggering for people whose bodies have been violated.

WHAT IT IS

            Ron Siegel describes the body scan as a concentration practice because it dictates where we put our attention.  During a non-guided meditation, we decide where to place our attention – the breath, sound, a mantra, etc.  During a body scan we are instructed to place our attention on different areas of our body.  Although similar, this is different than Edmund Jacobson’s progressive relaxation technique.  Progressive relaxation involves tensing and relaxing muscles and is intended to promote relaxation.  The body scan does not involve the tensing and relaxing of muscles, and has the intended purpose of increasing mindfulness and awareness of the body but not necessarily relaxation.  If relaxation is a by-product of the body scan great, and if not, great. 

            The body scan can be particularly helpful when the mind is active and more prone to wandering than other times.  It is also helpful for new meditators who need help developing the muscle of concentration.  Siegal says that the body scan can help because the brain tends to stay more interested when we shift our attention to various parts of the body.

            The body scan can also be helpful in noticing physical symptoms that might need attention, and in noticing our emotional reaction to physical symptoms.  When we become more attuned to our bodies we notice shifts in sensations and we begin to notice which sensations normally shift and which ones might need medical attention. When we struggle with injury or pain, the body scan can help us notice our emotional response to the pain, and we can then learn how to relate to the pain more skillfully.

            John Kabat-Zinn uses the body scan in his Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program.  The benefits, he says, are to help the nervous system rebalance itself by bringing awareness to the physical sensations of the body.  According to the Mayo Clinic, this type of meditation can increase our sense of balance and peace, it can reduce stress, and help us have a more positive state of mind.

CHALLENGES FOR SURVIVORS

            If reading the above description of the body scan did not make the hair on the back of your neck stand up at least a little I would be very surprised.  Usually the idea of being more present in, and more aware of your body makes survivors anxious and want to run the other way.  Why in the world would you want to be IN your body?

            When your body has been violated, it usually involves pain.  Sometimes excruciating pain.  The smartest, most helpful thing you could have done during the abuse was to dissociate, to shut down, to leave your body in some way.  Being abused is more than your body and mind can process.  Your brain literally has no way to make sense of what is happening, and so it is forced to leave the experience floating around in your head without filing it properly because there is nowhere to file it.  Your body does the same thing.  There is no way for your body to process the things it experiences during the abuse, and so it is forced to deal with it by trying to pretend it is not happening by shutting down.  It really is quite amazing how your body and mind can take you somewhere else or go into a foggy place so that you can somehow get up the next day and manage to function in the world as if nothing happened.  It is a brilliant strategy. 

            There are a couple of problems with this brilliant strategy however.  At some point the experience catches up with you.  For some, it catches up right away, and for some it can take years.  But it can’t stay hanging out in a black hole forever and at some point, you have nightmares, or body memories or other things that let you know it really happened and you must deal with it.

            The other problem is that keeping the experience in a black hole takes its toll on you.  It requires a lot of energy to keep pushing something away.  It can also cause physical complications like headaches, lowered immunity, autoimmune diseases, heart problems, etc.  Survivors often have trouble sleeping and struggle with intimate relationships.  So, while the strategy of staying out of your body works temporarily, it does not work for the long run.

            Knowing that staying out of your body does not work permanently, does not fix the issue of bristling at the thought of a body scan however.  Going thru each part of your body at the slow pace of a meditation can be excruciating.  Not literally excruciating, but it can seem like that.  Your body has not historically been a friendly place to be, so focusing on your body inch by inch very slowly just does not have much appeal for many survivors.  Especially staying focused for 30-60 minutes!

And yet, it has many benefits to offer, things that would be very helpful dealing with many of the problems survivors deal with.

            Just like taking on anything new that is difficult, it can be very helpful to keep in mind the reasons why you want to do a body scan.  And if WANT is too strong of a word, keep in mind the reasons you are willing to give it a shot.  Keeping motivations for the things we are doing at the front of our mind is always a good idea. 

            Prepare yourself.  In every body scan I have ever listened to, the instructor has always spoken in a very soft, slow voice.  For many, just this style of speaking can be triggering.  Having someone even talking about your body can be triggering.  Having someone directing you where to place your attention on your body can be triggering. 

For all of these reasons, consider recording your own body scan.  It is not hard to find a written transcript or an outline of one.  Find one that appeals to you, or just get the idea of what is involved in a typical body scan and write your own script.  I would suggest keeping it shorter than a full body scan to begin with – maybe 10 minutes.  If you don’t like the sound of your own voice, you could always enlist a friend or counselor to record it for you.  But even then, you need to direct the recording.  Tell them the volume and tone and pace you want them to have.  This is your creation so take your time and get it right.

Make several short recordings focusing on specific areas rather than trying to do the whole body all at once.  Start with the least triggering part of your body.  For some that might be feet and legs, for some it might be hands and arms, for others it might be neck and shoulders.  As you become more able to tolerate being in your body you can include parts of your body that are less comfortable and more triggering.  But make sure to include those parts when you are ready.  Those parts need healing just as much, if not more than the other parts. 

If you can only tolerate being in your body for a minute or two, that’s where you start.  There is no benefit to doing more than you can tolerate.  The aim is to be kind to yourself, not to traumatize yourself even more.  Remember that it is not your body’s fault that you were abused, and it deserves just as much compassion as any other part of you.  Bringing your attention to your body is a way of offering it compassion.  Our attention is one of the most loving things we have to offer to ourselves and others. 

Maybe when you first begin, the safest place is your head.  Great, start there.  Notice what your eyes feel like behind your eyelids.  Notice your forehead.  Is there tension, wrinkling of your brow, softness?  Notice where your tongue is in your mouth – is it resting at the bottom of your mouth or is it at the roof of your mouth.  Remember you are not trying to change your experience, just notice. 

With any practice of this type, if you are in therapy make sure to let your therapist know what you are doing and enlist his/her help if appropriate.  If you are not in therapy, make sure a trusted friend knows that you are trying something new, so they can lend support if needed, and seek out a counselor if you need to. 

For some ideas on how to adapt other mindfulness practices, follow the link for a journal that has lots of suggestions for customizing some popular mindfulness practices to make them more accessible for trauma survivors:

MINDFULNESS SKILLS FOR TRAUMA AND PTSD: Mindfulness Practices Adapted to Fit the Needs of Survivors: Kay, Jeni: 9798856277752: Amazon.com: Books

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Even if you don’t say those words out loud, I can see them in your eyes.  That is one of the biggest fears, if not THE biggest fear of those who come to see me for help with an eating disorder.  I recognize that look because I saw it in the mirror right before I went to every counseling session.  That thought went through my head when I went to see my dietician.  I just knew there was a conspiracy to make me fat.  That’s all anyone wanted, I was sure of it. 

            Never mind the fact that you are probably losing hair, you get winded walking up the stairs, your skin is dry and flakey, your brain feels like it’s in a fog most of the time, you get chest pains sometimes, and you can’t eat even when you want to.  Never mind that you are miserable both physically and emotionally.  The worst thing you can imagine is going to counseling or treatment and becoming fat.  It sounds crazy to people on the outside, but I get it.  Even if the rest of the world falls apart, at least you are thin.  Even if I couldn’t do whatever it was I thought was important at the time, it didn’t matter because at least I could be thin. 

So what is the answer?

            The answer to the question is NO, I am not going to make you fat.  I have no interest in making you fat.  Truthfully, I prefer to leave your weight up to your doctor and your dietician.  I don’t want to fight that battle with you.  Except for the fact that I want you to be healthy enough to do all the things you want to do and more, your weight is really none of my business.  I am far more concerned about your emotional well-being than I am your weight.  I know that sounds hard to believe because everyone makes such a big deal about your weight, right?  After all, if people weren’t on your back about your weight, you probably wouldn’t even be thinking about going to counseling, right?

            I don’t fully believe that.  If being thin felt that great, if it fixed all your problems, then you would not be reading this.  My guess is your world has become so small that all you think about is food and weight, and that it is hard to imagine a life without those thoughts consuming you.  I bet there are times when you cry because you want to eat dinner with friends but you have to turn them down because you just can’t do it.  I bet there are times when your joints ache when you get out of bed and you feel like you are 90 years old.  I bet you feel like shit much of the time, but you have convinced yourself that’s normal, that everyone feels that way.

            Living with an eating disorder is miserable.  And to be quite honest, recovery feels miserable in the beginning as well.  Anyone who tells you otherwise has not been there.  Even though I have no interest in making you fat, and your weight is not my business, helping you deal with the discomfort of getting healthy is my business.  It will take time before getting healthy feels good.  But you CAN handle it.  It will be uncomfortable, and sometimes painful.  But you CAN handle it.  Living with an eating disorder is difficult – you handled that.  I know you have it in you to handle recovery.  You might as well give it a shot – you can always return to your eating disorder if this recovery thing doesn’t work out. 

If I’m not going to make you fat, then what does happen in counseling?

            Great question.  Every therapist is different, so I can’t speak for how other people do it.  And every client is different so I can’t even say for sure what counseling will be like for you.  What I do know is that at some point the eating disorder behaviors served a purpose; they made sense.  I am in no rush to get rid of those behaviors until we figure out how they served you.  I really want to understand what your life is like, what you feel, what you think, what is it like to be in your shoes.  From there, we can decide together the best plan. I won’t take control away from you.  You get to be part of the process.  In fact, I expect that you are the expert in your life, not me, so it would be silly for me to tell you how to live your life.

            There will be times when you hate me – that seems to be part of the process for most everyone I have worked with.  That’s ok.  I hated my therapist too.  And I kept going back.  And I got better.  And, guess what, she didn’t make me fat!  I understand the terror you feel when you talk about food, or try and do something different with your food.  Sometimes it actually feels like you will die if you have to eat one more bite.  I don’t mean that symbolically, I mean it literally feels like you will die.  I know how intense those feelings are and I will walk through all of them with you.  I am not afraid to go anywhere we need to go.  I won’t give up on you no matter what.

            I think the best way to describe what therapy will be like is to say that it will be completely unique to you.  It will be a creative, collaborative process between the two of us.  Even if something has worked for hundreds of other people, if it doesn’t work for you we will throw it out and try something else.  It will be hard, it will be uncomfortable, it will be inspiring, it will be funny and tearful, and it will be worth it.  It’s ok to be afraid and come anyway.  As much as you don’t want to hear it, this can kill you, and I refuse to let that happen if I can help it. 

           

Is it really that important to get 7-8 hours of sleep? I mean, is that just something people say because it sounds like a nice thing to do, or does it really make a difference? Let’s start with the basics. You feel better after a good night’s rest, right? You are probably moodier if you don’t sleep well, and you are less able to focus. I know that I am certainly more grumpy and less patient if I have not slept well the previous night. I might be able to hide my grumpiness, but it takes a lot of energy to do that which means I have less energy for other things.
Other than just making us less moody and more alert, let’s look at some specific things sleep does for us.
1. Sleep helps your brain prepare to learn new things, and then it helps your brain store what you have learned so that you can recall and use it. For example, if you are in school, or learning a new job, when you sleep your brain is getting primed to learn new information the next day. Then, after you learn the new information, when you sleep that night your brain is busily processing and filing the information so that you can remember it when you need to. That could be helpful for passing a test, or getting the promotion you want, don’t you think?
2. Sleep is good for your heart. When we sleep, our body takes that time to heal our heart and blood vessels. Not getting enough sleep has been linked to high blood pressure, stroke and heart disease. Since we are dependent on our heart to live an active and healthy life, it might be a good idea to do everything we can to keep it healthy, which includes getting enough sleep.
3. There are several ways in which sleep helps us with appetite and weight management. Sleep deprivation has been linked to obesity, so if you are concerned about being overweight, getting enough sleep needs to be part of your daily practice. Sleep also helps balance our hormones that regulate our appetite. Lack of sleep might make you feel hungrier during the day because your hormones have not had a chance to regulate themselves.
4. If you want to make better decisions, get enough sleep. Making good decisions is a critical part of achieving your goals. Who do you think gets into the better college, the person who makes bad decisions or the person who makes good decisions? Who do you think does a better job at saving money for a car or home of their dreams – the person who makes bad decisions or the person who makes good decisions? And who do you think has a better relationship with their partner – yep, I’m guessing the person who is able to make better decision. Research shows that sleep helps you process and organize information, enabling you to make better decision.
I kind of like the idea of being able to think better, being at a healthy weight, not having a heart attack and being able to learn new stuff. Those things all sound appealing in my quest to live a healthy and happy life, what about you? Do you like the idea of spending your days with plenty of energy, being able to think clearly, and achieving the goals that are important to you? If your answer is yes, it sounds like getting enough sleep might be more than just a nice idea, it is critical to getting what you want. If you are having trouble sleeping, stay tuned for part 2 for some helpful tips.

Gwen Bartran, MA, LPCC
gwenbartran.com

            We hear all the time that we need to plan for retirement – we need to have a solid financial plan so that we can enjoy our retirement years rather than spending them in poverty.  But how much do we hear about investing in our cognitive future so that we can spend our retirement years enjoying our loved ones and our memories rather than being fed and bathed by strangers and not recognizing our friends and family?  Personally, I have heard very little about the latter topic, which seems to me to be just as important. 

            Did you know that the damage from Alzheimer’s Disease can begin anywhere from 20-50 year before symptoms appear?  The beginning stages of the disease are very slow moving, but the last stages are much quicker.  So, the time to do something is before you even see signs of a problem.  Just like a financial savings account, the time to make deposits into your mental savings account is before you need it.  Here are some ways you can build your cognitive savings account:

1.      Nutrition:  Unfortunately the typical American diet is not great for our brains.  Full of chemicals, sugar and unhealthy fats these foods don’t do anything help prevent getting Alzheimer’s Disease.  One of the best things you can do to invest in your future self is to eat lots of fruits and vegetables and fewer processed foods.  Fruits and vegetables contain antioxidants which help protect your brain from brain cell deterioration.  When you eat a wide variety of fruits and vegetable you get lots of nutrients that are often lost when foods are processed.  Studies show that people who eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables have a 40% slower decline in cognitive abilities than those who eat 4 servings or less.

2.     Exercise:  Keeping fit can help lower many of the risk factors associated with cognitive decline, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and high cholesterol.  Exercise also improves blood flow to the brain, and it can help keep blood vessels soft and pliable, reducing the risk of stroke.  Recommendations are that you get approximately 20-30 minutes of exercise/day, including both aerobic and resistance activities.

3.     Social:  Study after study shows that isolation is not a good thing for humans – feelings of isolation and loneliness actually increase your risk for dementia later in life.  Friends can help reduce stress, reduce depression, and support positive lifestyle changes.  Those of you who tend to be introverts don’t worry – I am not saying you must become social butterflies.  For some of us, it only takes 1 or 2 friends to fend off feelings of loneliness.  The idea is to know how much social interaction you need, and make sure you get that.  You can even incorporate social with other things – work out with a friend, have a dinner party, join a cooking club.  Look for ways to include connection in your life, and make sure it is real life, face to face connection rather than just social media.

4.     Sleep:  Sleep is more than just downtime; it is the time our brain uses to clean house.  Our brains need this time to get rid of toxic substances, thoughts and memories accumulated during the day.  How much sleep do we need?  Apparently, there is no definitive answer.  It was thought that 7-9 hours is optimal, but studies seem to say that individual needs vary.  Rather than going by the number of hours, go by how you feel.  Do you feel energized throughout the day or do you get sluggish and need large amounts of caffeine to get you through the day?  If you have enough energy, you are probably getting enough sleep.  If you feel like you are dragging your feet, you might need a little more sleep.  Being sleep deprived is not a badge of honor; it is making withdrawals from our cognitive savings account.

Losing our memories, losing our independence, these don’t have to be the inevitable results of growing older.  We have some choice.  There may be factors beyond our control, but there are a lot of areas that we can influence.  Don’t try to overhaul your entire life.  Pick one or two things to start with.  Practice them until they become habit.  When those one or two things become easier, then pick something else to add in.  Before you know it, you will be well on your way to having a great mental savings account!

 

Gwen Bartran, MA, LPC, Certified Brain Health Coach

[email protected]

gwenbartran.com

970-988-6978

           

DIVORCE AND GRIEF

 

            There is a unique kind of grief that comes with divorce.  There is no funeral, no death of a person, no obituary or burial, and yet there is loss just as deep as if someone has died.  In another sense, there has been a death – the death of a dream, of a way of life, of a family unit, of lots of things that can’t even be named.  Perhaps we should have a funeral after the end of a marriage.  Perhaps that could help the grieving process along in some way.  Ceremonies often give closure and respect to the magnitude of change. 

            I think that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief are relevant after a divorce just as much as after other types of losses.  If you are going through a divorce, the stages below will probably sound familiar.

1.      Denial:  While denial can be useful in helping us get to work, fix dinner for the kids, and do the daily things we need to do, it can also be overused.  We pretend that everything is fine even when absolutely nothing is even remotely ok!  We pretend that we can handle all that is going on even when we go to be with a migraine night after night.  Sometimes we must deny how deep the pain is or we would not be able to function.  Denial is a normal stage, we all go through it.  Know that it helps us function when we need to, but eventually we will have to look at reality.  Be there when you need to, but don’t prolong the visit with denial.  Denial can easily become guest who overstays their welcome and begins to stink like the proverbial fish. 

2.     Anger:  This can show up in all kinds of way.  We might be angry at our ex, angry at ourselves, angry at our parents, our job, our religion, even at the rabbit that is eating nibbling peacefully on the lawn!  Anger helps us protect ourselves – it often empowers us to keep ourselves safe.  Anger is not the enemy if we don’t let it control our behavior in destructive ways.  Most of us are not comfortable with anger so we try to ignore it or go back to number 1 and deny it.  It hurts, it is powerful and it is untamed.  Let it be there.  It won’t hurt you.  It is a necessary part of the process.

3.     Bargaining:  This is usually a desperate attempt to make things go back to the way they were, or at least how we wanted them to be.  We might decide the marriage wasn’t so bad after all, or there was that one thing that we could try that would make all the difference.  You know – that one special blend of herbal tea that can fix everything.  For me it was more bargaining with myself than anyone else – “you can suck it up, can’t you?  Really, things were not all that bad.”  Or “wow, divorce is so much harder than whatever you thought was tough in the marriage.  Just try one more time to make it work.  Look at all the fun you had on that one vacation 7 years ago!”  Sometimes we bargain with our ex, or sometimes with God or anyone else in the universe who will listen!  We are willing to do whatever it might take to make this divorce go away.

4.     Depression:  This is the stage when you eat a lot of ice cream, stay in bed all day and watch brainless TV.  Who knew they could make a reality show out of people who like to dress up as mermaids and stay in their bathtub all day?!  Stock up on tissue because you will need it for this stage.  Cry every tear that wants to be cried.  Feel the depression in the depth of your bones.  The best way to not get stuck here is to embrace it fully and let it be as big as it needs to be.  Then, allow it to move through you and into the atmosphere or down to the center of the earth.

5.     Acceptance:  This is when you can finally feel the air fill your lungs and it doesn’t hurt anymore.  This is when you can get out of bed in the morning and say, “I think I can do today.”  This is when you feel like there is a life out there beyond the dark muck of divorce.  You can see a future, you can even see the present without the theme of divorce running your day.  You know there will be challenges, but you no longer feel unable to handle them.  You’ve got this. 

What you really need to know is that this is not a linear process.  It’s more circular, or spiral, or something along those lines.  You might start with anger, then get depressed, then be in acceptance for a while, and then go into denial.  You will visit each stage more than once.  Hopefully after the first couple of rounds with the stages each will get less intense, and will be less difficult to move through.  There is no right way to do this.  Everyone’s process is different and yours will be unique to you.  Settle in and let the process unfold as it needs to.  The less you resist, the less it will persist.  Be gentle and patient with yourself.  You will make it, and you will find the other side.

 

Gwen Bartran, MA, LPC

970-988-6978