That is a great question! You might be saying things like “just because I am getting divorced doesn’t mean I am crazy! I don’t need therapy! He/she is the one who needs therapy, not me! Therapy is for people with mental illness or serious problems, not for people who are getting divorced – people get divorced every day!” But trust me, therapy CAN help you deal with and recover from divorce.
First let’s talk about what divorce recovery is and is not from a therapy point of view. It is not about getting even with your ex-spouse. It is not about taking medication so that you feel happy all the time. And it is definitely not about labeling you as mentally ill or crazy. Divorce recovery is all about helping you get through a really difficult experience in the healthiest, least damaging way possible. It is about helping you not get stuck in feeling like your life is over and you will never be the same again. Therapy can help you get through divorce without drowning your sorrows in alcohol every day, or without going broke from spending too much to make yourself feel better.
Do you ever feel hopeless, lost, wondering if it is even worth getting out of bed in the morning? You are not alone. Divorce causes many people to feel this way. Therapy can’t make all of the difficult feelings go away, but it can help you deal with them so they don’t hold you hostage. Those negative feelings can be so paralyzing making it difficult to do anything. Sometimes the last thing on your mind is getting yourself dressed and going to therapy! But that’s probably the best thing you could do for yourself – even if you have to come in your pajamas (believe me, you wouldn’t be the first!). Dealing with all that’s going on in your head is exactly the step you need to take before you can do much else.
Just to make you a little more comfortable, here is what a session might look like. You drag yourself out of bed, no energy to put on makeup or fix your hair, but you manage to throw on some sweats. Dark circles under your eyes from crying and not sleeping. You hesitantly walk through my door, a little embarrassed about your appearance. In fact you apologize to me that you aren’t feeling well or something and that’s why you look the way you do. I smile, and tell you that my space is “come as you are space” and invite you to sit on my very comfortable couch.
First I just want to get to know you. I want to know what your particular struggle looks like, and also what things are going well (I can hear you now saying “are you kidding? Nothing is going well!”). I won’t pretend to know how you are feeling or what you are going through. Everyone is different, and I won’t assume you are like anyone else. For the most part, I will offer you a safe place to vent, cry, and rage, whatever you need to do. When you are ready and would like some tools, I will provide them. We will talk about what you need to get through this time, and together we will create a strategy.
I have lots of tools in my bag, so don’t worry, you don’t need to have the answers. Our work together will focus on how to help you feel better physically, how to get a hold on the chaos in your head, and how to help you not feel like you are drowning in painful emotions.
So let me remind you, you are not crazy. You are going through an extremely difficult situation, one that puts your entire life in turmoil. It doesn’t really matter if you are coming out of the worst marriage imaginable and that getting divorced is the best thing you could do. It is still beyond difficult. Even if it is a very civil and somewhat friendly divorce, it is still an ending to what your vision of your life had been. There is nothing wrong with needing some support and guidance. This is the time to take care of yourself, not put yourself last on the list until everything else is taken care of.
Call me, I would love to help you get back on your feet and to feel like getting out of bed is a good thing. 970-988-6978. [email protected].